Since I am always at my desk late, I get to see some of my colleagues at less than their best due to stess, lack of sleep etc. What's the best way to tell someone that they look really beat and make it seem nice?
Sincerely,
Anon
Dear Anon,
These are people in your office don't really care how they look so long as they make enough money to pay off their 100K+ student loan in 5 years. This is especially true of associates "BigLaw" law firms. They work those poor associates so hard that even if they make partner they will still be dead by the age of 50 of coronary disease from late night chinese food and lack of sunlight, fresh air and exercise. Then these guys marry some trophy wife who expects them to make more than enough to support them, the private schools for their children, botox injections and multiple houses after they have managed to pay off their loans and start making the real money. Ditto for the dumb financial analyst shmucks with the expensive ivy league degrees in the banking and PE fields. And maybe, ...maybe if they are lucky they may get a week off to go to St. Barts, St. Tropez ,the Hamptons, Martha's Vinyeard, or Hilton Head...etc, etc. Wait am I suppose to feel sorry for them? Sheeeeit! And we won't even talk about what women have to go through. There isn't enough time or space.
Even when they get home low level associates, analysts and new executives are still often working. Blackberry now has the office flunkey taking it without lube, welcome to my world. I once had to tell my sibling to "put down and back away from the crackberry." When I attempted to hide it she threatened to have me assassinated.
So what can you tell those co-workers who really need to go home and sleep, to go home and go to sleep? Well, you can use the usual, "Bob (or Jane), you have worked so hard and you are such an asset to the company you deserve to go home and rest." It probably won't work because Bob (or Jane) will suspect that you are trying to steal a deal out from under him (her) so that route won't work. A better way would be to say, "Look, dude, you look like crap and you need a vacation and quite frankly so do I. "The man" has us by the balls. So let's do this: Send our phones to the crackberry and when we don't pick up we'll claim out computers crashed. " This works especially well when Mercury goes into Retrograde because that is when most computers and other technology crashes. Seriously. It does. It is also a good time to go take a vacation because you should never seal a deal during Mercury Retrograde because it'll eventually go bad, so the longer you draw it out the better. This means three times a year you and your colleagues can conspire to get some much need rest plus there is an added benefit. If you are on vacation during retorgrade and the deal that was made during this transit goes bad you can brush off the blame for the SNAFU and when you fix it you will be hailed as a hero. Then you'll get a promotion, make other people your "butt boy" and getting more time for yourself while making other do the grunt work you used to do. In other word's you'll be the man and you use no lube and I shall hate you! Just kidding.
Lastly, vacationing the same time as your colleague he isn't as likely to suspect that you are trying to stab him in the back, at least not blantantly. I saw you sneak your laptop with wireless capabilities into your bag, you will never, ever put down that crack berry. Plus you have IT support on speed dial, don't you? You probably sleep with it beside your pillow at night.
So I am suggesting you get rest because if you know how long your colleagues have been stuck in the office chances you are have been there with them and are not looking so hot yourself. SO GO HOME! And get a life! No job is worth missing out on living your life and what it has to offer you unless you are doing something you love to do. You won't do it though, will you?
K-Y, Anon, K-Y
Go on vacation,
OB
oh and Mercury goes into Retrograde on May 7th
I leave you with this video because it's true:
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