An Answer to your Question

Dear Office Bitch,

My co-workers are a gem and hard-working but they always use their children as an excuse to not come in on snow days or to work overtime leaving their co-workers to pick up the slack. Being single and having paid attention in health class I don't have children (condoms). How do I gracefully opt out of being their "butt-boy" because of life decisions I've made?

Sincerely,
The Fruits of Your Womb are not My Problem

Dear Fruit,

I am going to assume you are not talking about people who have legitimate child care needs, but those who use their children as they did the "dog ate my homework" excuse to not come into work. Yep, been there, done that. Not everyone does this, but it gives parents who do have a real emergencies a bad name. Honestly, in your case, I have to tell you, that you're screwed. As long as you work with people who have children, there nothing you can really do but shut-the-fuck-up and ask them to use KY. These people are the same slackers who used any BS excuse to get out of work before they even had children so I gotta tell you life is tough and unfair so deal.

"Now for the blaze of glory I'm gonna get my ass fired" response:

Hmmm, I had to think about this one for a bit. I would not recommend going out and getting knocked up out of spite, because, well, daycare is expensive! Instead, I would say, "Sorry, I can't cover you. My 30 cats have hairballs and I have to give each one petroleum jelly to help pass them." Then go to your boss and HR with a petition with fake and forged signatures, and insist that you get paid medical leave since your cats in your eyes are your children and therefore are covered by FMLA. This will not only get your ass fired but possibly committed, which actually might get you disability when you are released because you are now considered a certifiable crazy cat person. As a result, you would never have to work with slacker co-workers ever again, but you would forever be a legend in their hearts.

Sincerely,

OB

((Note: My advice is all tongue in cheek and should not be taken literally. So if you get fired and can't collect unemployment or disability, don't come blaming, suing or complaining to me))

If YOU have a question for Office Bitch, you can email her at: yourofficebtch@aol.com