Office Desk Repellant?

If I have two phones, one on each ear, if you walk up to me and start talking to me, I won't hear you. It is physically impossible to hear three people talking at once and to be able to understand you all. It is hard enough when have two, so don't add yourself to the mix.

This is why sometimes I think I should eat garlic and a raw diet. You see, I figure the noxious green cloud will keep you far enough away to make you want to email me which is much easier than annoying me while I am on the phone.

Office Desk Repellation Formula/Device is a business I should create. I know it should be Office Desk Repellent but I don't think it would sell as well. Maybe it should be a perfume. I would use B.O. but some freaks of nature like that smell and, come to think of it, I know way too many that do. True, it's usually the smell of their own, but they like it none the less. I wonder what kind of smells would keep people from your desk without getting you called to to HR and having to talk about "personal hygiene." I once had a boss that smelled like curry. I hated talking to her because even her breath smelled like curry. It wasn't only her breath though, one time she threw her coat across my desk and asked me to have it dry cleaned. I nearly gagged the smell of curry was so strong. Sweating out curry so gross. There is no reason to smell that strongly of curry, none! Oh! Pet hair, some people get skeeved out by pet hair on people. If iIcombine it, the curry smell with perhaps a Yoko Ono CD playing softly it'll be enough, maybe? Then I can sell it on TV for the low, low price of three installments of $19.99. A bargain for hours of only dealing with your boss via email or on the phone and gossiping biddies bothering you when are actually try to be productive.

What I'd really like to do is put up a sign that says: If I have a phone on my ear, and I am talking into the phone on my ear, chances are I am ON THE F*CKING phone, so wait your turn. I see you and will get to you in a minute.

But that is not what Office Bitch does. She sighs and looks for KY. Of course, there is none and she takes it, as usual, without lube.

Hmmmm. I think I'll marinate on it and get back to ya! Office Desk Repellation.

In the mean time, I do not in anyway, shape or form advise you to refrain from using deodorant or wearing the same underpants for five days straight without washing. The first reason is you may use public transportation and the nastiness on a crowded bus or train coming to and from work will only make people hate you with a passion and may make some sick. (on the upside it may get you a seat on the train/bus though that doesn't work in Paris) and 2. The economy is bad, don't give anyone an excuses to fire you unless you win the Powerball or Megamillions grand prize. In that case feel free to invest in my business venture. Subtlety is a virtue people.



Next week: The Answer to Mr. Caught In the Middle (see last entry)

If you have a suggestion, idea or complaint you want to voice about your office, please email, me, Office Bitch, @ yourofficebtch@aol.com