Pimpin IS easy, actually.

Dear Office Bitch sans Lube,
I missed you and I am so glad you are back.
After a night of drunken tomfoolery on a work night I found myself in the bed of some I knew...well, only causally until ...uh...well, you know what I am saying. Suddenly, it was 6:45am the next morning and I am still in my work clothes from the night before and I didn't have time to go across town for another change of clothes. Well, I went to work in the same clothes I'd worn the day before. It was obvious to everyone that I did not make it home. Nothing is more humiliating then doing the walk of shame through your office.
Anyway, I work hard at doing my job and feel I should be able to play as hard as I like. In the event that it may happen again. What can I do to avoid that dark and shady walk on a Wednesday morning?
And DON'T take forever in answering please.
Pimpstress in Heels!


Dear Miss Pimpstress,

Unfortunately, though very rare I'm sure, the occasional walk-of-shame to work can happen. Other than strongly recommending keeping your partying to Friday and Saturday, like most grown ups, I will provide an answer to your query.

The answer to your question is quite easy. This also a lesson for those who maybe have pulled an all nighter at work and also for ladies who may for girly reasons need to freshen. Regardless if You Are As Easy As Sunday Morning, you should always have the following either in your purse or if your purse is too small, in your desk drawer, this applies to you too, guys:

1: A change of blouse and underwear. (I need to follow this rule myself.)
2. A small bottle of Listerine (works best after a night of alchie), toothpaste, toothbrush, and dental floss - travel size
3. Personal flushable wipes and other lady needs - travel size
4. Deodorant - travel size

5. (optional)If you have a run-of-the-mill suit chances are the only thing people are going to notice is that you wore the same blouse. If you are a fasionista, you may want to simply keep an extra outfit or maybe a fashionable scarf to dress it up and make it different from the night before.

Honestly, no one really cares because luckily in our narcissistic world the only people likely to notice that you are wearing the same outfit from the night before are the people paid to care about you, the receptionist and your secretary. Both of them have handled your phone calls and already know you'se a ho and are talking about you anyway to each other.



You're welcome,

OB


P.S. Yes, I am working on Memorial Day and No, I am not drinking Grey Goose and Cran.





If you have a question for OB please email her at yourofficebtch@aol.com

UGH!

I don't know about the rest of y'all but I HATE this time of year.  The weather is beautiful and being a receptionist naturally I get the best view of it. God D*mn it. This sucks. I want to go outside and answer the phones from the grass of the park that's not far away. 

While most people get to go home early on the Friday before the Memorial Day Holiday, it is rare that the receptionist gets to go with them. Some offices from Memorial Day until Labor day actually let people go home early every friday, but again, we are not included in that population. WE are the last people to shut off the lights at night and we almost keep up the appearance that the man is not a slacker by keeping his receptionist answering the phones as if everyone is still in the office when in actuality they left four hours ago. And so it is only me, alone, answering the phone and saying that everyone is in a meeting. You can hear my voice echo throughout the office. When this happens, and it often does, I have thought to dance around in my undies before the security camera and see what happens when I arrive on Monday.Le sigh.

Yeah, yeah, I'll answer the office slut's letter in  a few days. Right now, I just want some grey goose and cranberry juice after everyone leaves the office at one and I continue on until five. Oh the drunken answers to caller questions and office drunken email would be epic. 

Work Hard Play Harder

Dear Office Bitch sans Lube,

I missed you and I am so glad you are back.

After a night of drunken tomfoolery on a work night I found myself in the bed of some I knew...well, only causally until ...uh...well, you know what I am saying.  Suddenly, it was 6:45am the next morning  and I am still in my work clothes from the night before and I didn't have time to go across town for another change of clothes. Well, I went to work in the same clothes I'd worn the day before. It was obvious to everyone that I did not make it home. Nothing is more humiliating then doing the walk of shame through your office.

Anyway, I work hard at doing my job and feel I should be able to play as hard as I like. In the event that it may happen again. What can I do to avoid that dark and shady walk on a Wednesday morning?

And DON'T take forever in answering please.

Pimpstress in Heels!

Whatev!

Dear OB, 

As we're all aware Secretary's Day is coming up. I have been told by a fellow co-worker that the Managing Partners will take the assistants and staff out to lunch. Now I'd rather get a $50 coupon to a Spa Treatment than have to socialize with my superiors. How do I delicately find out what day this supposed gathering takes place so I can make I take that day off? 

Signed, 

Hoping and Wishing

Dear H &W,

Yeah I know I am posting this a bit late but I am bitter. You see all I got for Secretary's day was a "thank you" from my boss, a letter reminding me of how lucky I am to have a job in this economy and a mug with the companies logo on it (gag). There wasn't even a half stale muffin and cold coffee to call a  free breakfast to munch on, so SHUT YOUR YAP.

(mutters) lunch or a spa certificate- HA!

--And scene

Good Love and Good Luck,

OB

if you'd like to send OB a letter please email it to Yourofficebtch@aol.com