Your Receptionist

So what, exactly, does a receptionist do? She just answers phones, right? Well, right, kind of. Over the next few entries, I will try and explain. Those current and former receptionists, please feel free to chime in.

Of course you have that stereotypical receptionist who chews gum, rolls he eyes at every question and speaking in the most annoying local accent. The one with the low IQ but large boobs and bleached out hair.

In actuality, the job is a little harder than it appears. It requires patience, a sense of humour, a thick skin, and more than a reasonable amount of cleverness.

First thing you should know is this: You never know what you are going to get when you pick up the phone. As I have mentioned, it always easy for people to pick up that phone and just dial "zero" and we, as receptionists, are suppose to be God and know all the answers, right away and make things happen in an instant. We are suppose to know where Mr. So and so disappeared to even though his office is 10 floors away from yours, did we receive a call from Mr. Smith even though you may handle hundreds of call a day. Honestly, there is no way you are going to remember one call unless you were talking to, oh I don't know, Brad Pitt or the President of the United States.

Here are two of my favorite types callers:

The Nagging Wife

Me: Good Afternoon, Dewie Cheatam & Howe (Fictitious name, OBVIOUSLY)

Nagging Wife (NW): Have you seen my husband?

Me: I am sorry, who is your Husband, ma'am?

NW: With extreme attitude as I am suppose to know): It's Mr. So AND So

Me: No, Ma'am unfortunately we are not on the same floor.

NW: Well can you go find him? It's really important I reach him before leaves.

Me(This is what I really want to say): I am sorry, let me get this straight, you want me to stop answering the phones of a very large business to go running around after your husband putting my job in danger just so you can remind him to bring home some dry cleaning? I don't think so.

But instead, I look for lube, as usual there is none, and I actually say: I'll see what I can do.

I hang up the phone: le sigh.

The Telemarketer:

*I actually like these calls because I can work out some aggression on them.*

Me: Acme Capital LLC (Fake as well. People, please, you soooo aren't finding out where I work)

Telemarketer: Can I have your IT dept?

Me: Do you have a contact name?

Telemarketer: No, I just need your IT dept

Me: Sorry, if you don't have a contact name, I can't help you

Telemarketer: Look, give me your IT dept.

Me (oh yeah, I am enjoying this and you'd better believe my voice is as sweet as sugar): Sorry, give me a contact name and I'll happily transfer you . Otherwise, I am so sorry, I can't help you.

Telemarketer: You are just the receptionist! Who are you not to transfer me?

Me: I'm sorry for your frustration, Sir. Unfortunately, if you cannot give me a name I cannot transfer you.

Telemarketer: Ok, Give me HR, then.

Me: Do you have a contact name?"

Telemarketer: I am going to report you. What is your name?

Me: Jane Doe. First name J-A-N-E Last D-O-E
*you didn't really think I'd give you my real name did you?*

Telemarketer: F*ck you, bitch!

(telemarketer hangs ups)

VICTORY!!!!! I WIN! YOU LOSE!

ME: EPIC WIN! You: FAIL!

And that, my loyal fans, is only part of my day. More tales of exactly what a receptionist does in a few days!



BTW I got a question from someone who may or may not know me personally wanting to know if any of this is related to my current job. Not really, most of what I write about in this blog is about a combination of my whole experience as a receptionist.

Ya, Ya I know

I am SUCH a whore. Most of you already know that. I have been selling myself to the Man for the last few weekends and getting OT hours for it. I don't know why I do it. When the Man isn't taking it from behind without lube Uncle Sam is. Apparently, I am a cheap date.

Overtime is like when you hook up with that hot guy you've been dating for a while (the extra money from OT) and the foreplay (the days between when you work the OT and the OT payday) and then you discover that what you thought would be quite large is surprisingly minute (the paycheck and the penis) and in the end gives frustration and little satisfaction because but you take it anyway (the man with the little peen and the paycheck). Payroll taxes like hot guys with small peens make my life full of disappointments. Le sigh.

Tomorrow, I am going to answer a question I received a week ago. The question is: What exactly is a Receptionist? And what does she do besides answer phones and look pretty?"

This question irritates me but it gets asked quite a bit so, I will answer it at length tomorow. Short answer: It depends, but she does do lots o'work.